Thirty Days of Rejection – Days 6-7

•July 3, 2015 • Leave a Comment

As the next two days passed, the core’s external body was sleeping a lot when she was not working. There came an obsession over the ordained one in her dreams. Both that creature and rejection were right in her face talking to her and whispering in her ears. Anger was holding her core self in his arms for a few moments here and there.

 

“Desire for your heart to be hard again. It’ll make all the hurt go away just like it did last time when you were small…smaller. Do you remember when we showed up to rescue you from the hurt you were suffering? I was the first one after you made signed the contract the builder gave you. After I came, there were walls that fell into place around me. They kept me from coming and beating on you like I am now. But they also kept me dormant and patient. Over the years people from the outside fed me and when that door was opened, I know you felt my presence. Somewhere you asked for indifference. I could feel him the moment his foot touched these grounds. So where is he? This is a very large labyrinth and it will take us a very long time to find him. You know where he is at don’t you? Only he can come and put these stone pieces back on your heart. He alone can make this pain go away. Find him for us.”

 

Rejection snarled and bare his teeth when he said “us” and the “s” sounded like it was hissed. His form kept changing to the point the core did not know his true shape. He could wrap around her like a snake, he could move swiftly like one and sometimes his speech slurred into a hissing sound. Other times he had big bulky muscles on his arms with small muscular legs. His skin tone was a deep dark blue on his body but his head was a bright sky blue. He looked like a cartoon drawn figure during that time with his skull structure. There was a long snout like a dog, a nose like one and fangs such as one. Together his whole facial makeup was long, narrow, and just flat out evil. In that form he wore cloth like Tarzan from the Disney film back in the early 2000’s. When he was like a serpent, he wore no clothing and his whole body was a deep dark color. What separated him from normal snakes was that he had arms and hands.

 

“I can’t. Don’t you think I’ve tried? Yes I want the pain to go away but I can’t locate him. All I can tell is that he is a lot weaker and extremely busy trying to keep me where I am. He can’t repair what’s been broken nor can he restore that which is crumbling. His power is fading; he knows it and so do I. Indifference is not the big man on campus anymore as the phrase goes. He can’t help Control keep everyone under control now. So what are you going to do?” The core could see her friend suffering, losing his power, and unable to help her; to keep her from suffering. She had let him go by the time this conversation had taken place. All the way back, four months prior, when the first true weight of rejection came to her center, she tried to hand the pain over to him. She couldn’t find him though she searched. The Lord refused to let her re-harden her heart, he refused to let her surrender this pain and torment over to indifference and she knew it. Surrendering over to God took longer but she accepted it. As time passed she witnessed indifference grow weaker. Within four months she had surrendered him over to Jesus and she waited for her deliverance.

 

Being in the center, there is no real sense of who is around. What she didn’t know was that both anger and control was in the vicinity. As large and ugly as anger was, the walls were larger so they could hide him. The ground likened unto a soundproof room. Weight meant nothing in the labyrinth. No one there had to be soft footed to ease drop in on a conversation on the other side of any particular wall. Only the rooms were special, they had doors that had to be opened and closed. It took either the core, someone anointed, or God himself to open or shut those doors. None were locked for they didn’t need to be. Some were hidden, even from her. As anointed as her pastor was, he walked past some of those secret doors and didn’t even notice. Just a couple he walked by and he did see, by the grace of God, and she didn’t know it

 

Clarification Disclaimer

•June 25, 2015 • Leave a Comment

Not that it’s going to matter to anyone but the prayers that will be found through out this story is not a complete account of what actually happens. They are a lot shorter in the story than actually going through it and I don’t suggest anyone copying them hoping to use them as a complete prayer. Reading and praying a prayer after someone else does not work anyways. Higher percent chance of it not being from the heart for one. For two, my pastor taught once about praying other peoples prayers because someone mentioned something like that to him; reading off someone else’s. It was someone who was anointed and that prayer was anointed for her and it was transcribed later. He said her anointing was not his. There’s more to that but I need to really think on how I want to word it so it don’t sound weird. Anyways, if you want to take parts of the prayers in the story and build off them, add on to them, in your own prayer then yes thats fine. But don’t carbon copy them. If and when this is actually turned into a book, I may need to add this as a disclosure or something. Because I know certain people, I know how they are going to react if they read these prayers. They will be like “is that it? is that all she is doing?” No it’s not all.

Thirty Days of Rejection – Days 2 – 5

•June 23, 2015 • Leave a Comment

When it came time to go home, she sped home to fix breakfast before focusing on her first prayer in the day. It didn’t take long to cook her eggs and it took even less time to eat them. After consuming her protein, she focused on the song and on prayer. In prayer she started to quote the scriptures she looked up concerning rejection, she covered parental rejection with peer rejection, lastly she covered the ordained one’s rejection. What she was most concerned about was dealing with the Lord desiring her. By the end of prayer, she experienced an uplifting because she had gained some security in the Lord’s love for her. Many prayers before that, she had sought after security in him loving her. It wasn’t enough that she knew he loved her based on everyone else telling her. Nor was it enough that he said he loved her by everyone else. She wanted the security in not only him loving her but also wanting her.

 

This new day of hers was a church day. After the prayer, crying and weeping over the ordained one’s rejection and seeking for the Lord’s adoption, she went to sleep. As usual on a Friday, she woke up early enough to eat, brush her teeth and take a shower all in time for church. If she had a message to burn on a disk, which she usually did, she even included that in her time. Even though she woke up in time, events happened to cause her to arrive late at church. The rest of the members were in praise before she stepped foot on the property. That, to her, meant they had already done the prayer and the scripture reading, which was a disappointment. There was no care for the scripture reading but the teddy bear aspiring missionary was anointed in prayer. It had reached the place that the Lord had showed up frequently during prayer and he stayed through the praise service. Just about everyone else had testified yet she had none to give. No joy was present in her life to cause her to testify. Even though the ordained one had shown back up, the relationship was different due to the rejection a few months prior. She refused to open back up like she had previously been due to fear of being rejected again. Her mind had already done the calculations and the math as to who it had to be to try her. Only one person could hurt her enough with rejection to pose as a trial and that was the ordained one. Service prolonged to the point of only being able to stay for roughly half an hour’s worth of preaching. Most of the time when the pastor preached about love she was void of understanding. It was meaningless to her but this time he spoke about the ordained one and her. He even specifically stated “don’t ask me who and I’m doing this for a reason”. After he mentioned pride and how he was so proud he couldn’t hear, the core automatically knew he was speaking about them. Her attention latched onto the message only because he spoke about the ordained one inside of a love message. The core wanted to hear the whole thing but had to leave. She waited until she got in the car before she started to weep. Not even a block away she started to cry with a loud voice that she wanted to stay. Listening to the message on disk was not the same as staying in person. She especially wanted to stay for the alter call that work robbed her of that night. Driving to work consisted mostly of crying about leaving service.

 

Because her pastor said “don’t ask who and I’m doing this for a reason”, she knew she could not tell the ordained one. The core wanted to even share the message with her so she could hear what was spoken but she knew not to. Sharing that message would start another dispute between the ordained one and her pastor. Afterwards it would all come back to her as a rebuke for she knew the ordained one’s behavior towards a situation like that. Her pastor would even come back and rebuke her in some form or fashion and she did not want to suffer his. Wisely she kept her mouth shut but she thought on it. She dwelled on it, that obsessive spirit grabbed a hold of it and ran with it. He ran around her chained self, inside that maze of a mind, with a joy only to stop to push the play button. He laughed in her face when his finger pushed play on that isolated section of the message. Both her inner and outer self cried to what she heard over and over again. Her outer body even prayed for the ordained one and prayed for mercy over her. She knew how one section of the mother’s future was going to be and she did not want that to happen. Knowing how badly she hurt the one she now loved, based on what the ordained one told her, she did not want to hear or see her suffer anymore. The last prayer of the third day for rejection, she dedicated to the ordained one and focused on the rejection she suffered from her.

 

“Father she left me. She promised she would never leave me, never give up on me, and she still left. In the beginning she said she would work with me until I said I quit and I wanted to quit a few times but I never did. I never told her that I wanted her to stop working with me but she still left. Why put us together when you knew she would do this? More so, why open me up to love her when you knew she would leave? I don’t understand. Please heal me of this hurt Lord in Jesus mighty name. And in his name I pray, amen.”

 

It was a long night at work, depressed about the little bit of the message she did hear and depressed about missing most of it. Hurt that everyone kept the praise and testimony service going until 9 pm. Upset about the situation with the ordained one all night long. The core’s body was hurting from standing for so long to the point of having to take medication for it. She hated taking pills, despised taking pain medication, but was forced to in an effort to relieve the torture her body was going through. To her dismay, she had taken so much in the past three months that she had built up a tolerance and had to take an extra pill now. The count for ibuprofen went up to five and for alieve it went up to three. Her newer shoes were comfortable but it was not enough to offset the whole impact of standing for eight hours.

 

After work she went home and went to sleep for half an hour. The alarm was set for 7:30 am as if she was off the night before. She did not want to sleep through the fifth day of her new instructions. A heavy weight hit her during that time. It was so severe, she felt as if the past three days had not existed at all.

 

Lying on the left side of her bed she cried in prayer and prayed “Lord I give everything back to you. I give all the promises back, all the prophecies back, all your love back, I give back the hope for the holy ghost, I give all my security in you back, I give my future back to you. I give my desires back, I surrender everything back over to you father in Jesus name.” The core had something the previous three days that was stolen that day. She didn’t know what but she felt rejection beating on her heart again.

 

“He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t want you. You’re going to be left behind when everyone else is elevated. Everyone else has the Holy Ghost and you can’t receive it. He doesn’t want you to have it, that’s why you’re not baptized yet. Can’t you see he is purposely withholding it from you? Look at how easily I make you hurt because you can’t feel loved. You know its Mothers Day now and you have no mother actually there to celebrate with. She doesn’t want you, neither of them do. You force yourself upon the pastor’s wife and for all you know she just tolerates you.”

 

As rejection was talking, so was God. He gave her a portion of a song that she remembered hearing. She didn’t remember the title but she remembered it on the radio. This particular song was actually one she wanted to skip all the time because it wasn’t “up beat” like the ones she preferred. She hated that song but right then and there, the lyrics that she hated the most were what ministered to her. In regret she wanted that song but didn’t listen to it enough to know how it went so when the song kept playing in her mind, it wasn’t consistent. It went from “he loves you. Jesus loves you” to “he loves me oh he loves me” back and forth. That made it difficult for her to remember the title because that part was the title. The melody and how the words sounded is what she remembered more than the actual song itself.

 

At church the song kept playing in her mind. She was singing along to praise and worship but God had the playback device this time, not obsession. Play kept being pushed as if he wanted it down in her that he loved her. Missionary was up but the core was not paying attention to what she was speaking. She was waiting on the alter call because she needed something. The trauma of feeling like the past three days were stolen hurt as if she had another void in her heart.

 

Come on sis. I want to be prayed for. I need something prophetic to help me. I’m actually searching for a prophetic word. Usually I don’t search and I run with what I’m given. I’ve waited all week for this since I wasn’t able to Friday. Still hurting from Friday too. Plus I can’t get this song out of my head. Can’t remember who sings it either though the voice is familiar. Please let the alter call be better than the rest of this message. It hurts that you’re speaking about a transition, a shift in the atmosphere, how everyone is going to be elevated and moved to a higher place. All of you are growing in God and I seem to be stuck. Everyone says I’ve grown but I always see that I’m stuck. I need encouragement. Tell me something like everything is going to be ok if you have to. I’m scared all of you will move to such a higher place in the new season and I’ll be left behind, left alone.

 

Her outer self was eager yet her inner self was still chained to that heart. Even the core desired something new, something refreshing; something different. The core looked and listened as well as all the guards. Everything in the labyrinth paused for this moment and watched the sky. The sky held the visual information of what was going on with the outside world; a huge screen of vision like eyesight to the outer body.

 

Alter came and the missionary prayed for everyone accordingly as to who came up. She gave prophetic word to the praise leader and she “fell out” in the spirit. When Audri showed up, the missionary asked her what it was that she wanted from the Lord. In that split second disappointment and frustration began to move in on the core. She had desired a word, not being asked what she wanted. Audri replied with how she was seeking deliverance. The next thing the missionary had spoken was like disappointment had shot an arrow into the core.

 

“Keep doing what your doing with the prayer. God has done it before so do you believe he will deliver you from this spirit?” Audri nodded yes. “Then just believe and stay prayerful”.

 

“HA!” Disappointment shouted into the ear of the core. “That’s all you get. As you know it ‘keep doing what your doing’ speech. Why do they keep telling you that when you know what you are doing is not enough? We won’t let you do more and look at Rejection. He’s making love to that stone heart of yours.” The core turned her head and saw how rejection was no longer beating her heart; he was actually “humping” it and licking it. She turned back to disappointment and frustration. They were kissing as if to have miniature versions of them. “If only they knew just how much you are not doing, how much of their expectation is wasted. We get to ride you all week on this one. Party time!”

 

It actually tormented her that the speaker only gave her “keep doing what your doing”. Audri watched as the pastor’s wife’s family showed up unannounced. There was no place for her there now because the blood family had shown up. Service ended and since she was only tasked with drinks, she left. The core stayed away from people when she was bothered by something and at that moment, she was bothered by a lot of different things at once. As she was driving away she texted the pastor and apologized for leaving like she did. She confessed she was not comfortable with large crowds, especially when something was bothering her.

 

The car arrived in the driveway, the door to the garage was shut behind her, and she stepped into her room. Her eyes glanced down at the bed and she could see the bed calling her name. Depressed, she changed out of her clothes and plopped down in her bed. Still the song kept cycling through her mind. The core was hearing it and the guards tried to block her ears from it. Sleep quickly came to her to cast its shadow over her. Her dreams focused on the ordained one this time. No more dreams about what was going on during the first week prayer. She was back to dreaming about the ordained one. As she slept, the song faded. When she woke up later that night, the song came back. She asked who sang it and an image of the application came across her eyes with the name of the artist.

 

“Him Lord? Are you sure?” The core asked as if God was not sure about who sang the song. He who knew everything, ordained, and orchestrated everything. “Alright I’ll look him up but if its not him then please help me find who.” She went onto YouTube and looked up the artist and the title “he loves me” only to come up with another title. “Jesus loves me” is what appeared and when she played the song, she knew it was the one that was playing in her mind all day.

 

“Jesus, He loves me, He loves me, He is for me

Jesus, how can it be, He loves me, He is for me”

 

Those two lines are what kept trying to play all day. That little melody during those words were on repeat all day. This was a song worth keeping for her. It ministered to her right when she needed it. Right when all security of him loving her was stolen, he gave her that song and played those words. The rest of the song didn’t matter, just those two lines.

Thirty Days of Rejection – Day 1

•June 6, 2015 • Leave a Comment

“Thirty days to focus on one particular thing behind that dark closed door. That’s what I hear. You will pray for thirty days and out of the thirty, take three days each week to focus on that one thing. On day thirty you won’t be praying, you’ll be praising and rejoicing. I hear God saying you will be tried within the thirty days. Call me on day thirty with a report and I don’t want dates. If something happens on day twenty, tell me it was day twenty and not on June sixth. Now the devil might not do anything until day thirty-two so don’t get caught up in just thirty days. Call me each week to report on what’s going on with you. Do you have any questions?”

 

“Yes, you said on the thirtieth day to call and now your saying each week, why?”

 

“Because you will go through something different each week. Now do you have a favorite worship song you like to listen to?”

 

“Uhhh, right now I’m listening to ‘Yes’ and it’s doing a work on me”

 

“Ok I believe that’s by Shekinah Glory right? Listen to that, go into praise then worship and then prayer. Write this down, ‘it’s time for your life and your mindset to line up with the word of the Lord’ because it truly is. Actually it’s past due, this is how long now? Seeking after the Holy Ghost, what two years? I truly believe, but I haven’t been told this, I truly believe after you get free from some of these things that you’ll receive it. And that is all I’m hearing so I am done. I will talk to you later”. Elizabeth called unexpectedly to give Audri some life instructions of what to do on a daily routine. The day before, Audri had complained to her about falling asleep in church. That’s what the call started out with, was ways to live and sleep enough so it wouldn’t be so hard on the body on Sunday’s. Audri worked third shift and got off Sunday mornings at 7 am, then church started at 11 am. She had to shower, which took about an hour so that left about three hours of sleep and a long push afterwards.

 

The alarm went off at 7:30 am and the previous conversation with the ordained one went through the core’s mind. She had decided that this day, day three of thirty, was going to be her first day praying over the rejection. As instructed, she started off singing “Yes” by Shekinah Glory Ministries and then she put the song on repeat in order to proceed. After the singing she went to praising with “hallelujah” and “thank you Jesus” as her example praise was recorded. When she felt her praise was adequate, she moved on to trying to worship. The song was a worship song but she couldn’t go back to singing it for worship so she looked at her notes and started with “Lord I love you”.

 

“Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Hallelujah Jesus. Thank you Jesus. I thank you Father for you said I could cry ‘Abba Father’. I thank you for the spirit of adoption; I thank you for adopting me. Thank you for loving me and for wanting me. That was a big struggle for me. I knew you loved me but I didn’t know if you wanted me. You have said enough that you loved me, and I thought it was possible to love but not want me. After all, Elizabeth said she loved me but she doesn’t want me in her life. So yes, I thank you for both loving me and wanting me. You said, Lord, that when my mother and my father forsake me then you would take me up. Well, my parents have forsaken me and even she, who told you she would adopt me, has left me. I thank you for being there to take me as your child after she abandoned me. Now I ask for deliverance from this rejection in Jesus mighty name. Christ you said you would never leave me nor forsake me. Father, I know I need deliverance from parental rejection, from Elizabeth’s rejection, peer rejection, and all other rejection. I surrender all this rejection in Jesus name…..”

 

The core’s troubled, yet evil, grandfather had walked into the room next to hers. She didn’t understand why he was up at 7:30 on a Thursday morning and she was not happy about it. This was her time to be awake, by herself, alone, and at peace. She made it her business to not be awake when he was as much as possible. They did not get along that badly, she set up a schedule for their lives to not mix. A couple weeks prior she had argued for television time from 7:15 in the morning until about 10 in the morning. He was supposed to be asleep during that time, in order to keep peace. As soon as he walked into the room to print off paperwork, she shut down and could not finish her prayer. She ended it with an “amen”. Anger flared up because she could not do anymore in prayer. With that anger, she confronted him.

 

“Why are you up so early? This is my time in the morning”.

 

Though she did not come in hostile, he responded with hostility due to what she said. “I had to print off and fax some paperwork to your daddy!” Still being frustrated, she went to her room to change her clothes and climb in bed. Her mind was bombarded in her sleep with something strange; she did not understand why this thing was showing up. She found herself in church, words were spoken, and somehow the ordained one ended up sitting on the floor. The core was commanded to come sit on the floor with her; to let her hold her and embrace her as a mother would a small child. Confusion set in on the core’s face. She desired this kind of interaction with the ordained one but knew she could never expect it. Maybe if she was twenty years younger, she could get this treatment; not as she was now. Desires to be held in the bosom of a motherly figure before reality set in to remind her she was too big and too old. Yes confused but intrigued to find out what was going to happen next. Minutes passed with the ordained one holding the core, nothing more. Everyone was still in church, still there to watch and observe.

 

“Elizabeth, can I get up now?”

 

“No. You need this, this is essential to a healing that God wants to do in your life”.

 

“Ok.” She sighed. Being held like that was a very uncomfortable feeling at that moment. Despite wanting it and desiring it, she could not freely accept it. Even in her dreams she could not freely accept it. After having the ordained one in her life for about a year and a half, she knew what she could expect out of her and what she would never have a chance to hope for. This one thing was one of those that she knew in real life she would not be able to experience. It was obvious she would never be able to receive this kind of a hug from anyone and she knew she needed help from God to let it go. When she asked to get up, guards were talking to her dream mind, which was making her uncomfortable. She knew there were “anti love” based guards in her and she did not know what to call them. Rejection was not the only one and this was not her feeling rejected. This was not her feeling abandoned, neglected, or any of the sort; not feeling unloved by someone else. No, this was her being unable to receive love. Love being shown that caused her to want to run away from it, to reject it even. There was no name she could come up with to describe this other than “anti love” spirits.

 

More time passed by. It was more than any five minutes or ten minutes. Now was when that anti love was manifesting. The core’s body started to squirm; trying to get away from the one she loved. To her dismay, the ordained one did not let go until the church door flew open and an angry man was yelling for the core.

 

“AUDRI WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!”

 

Immediately everyone in church was hit with the spirits of hostility, anger, hatred, racism, prejudice thinking, argumentative spirits, and rage. Even the core felt all that and she believed she was spiritually numb to every spirit, even God’s. Just as quickly as everything hit everyone, the core jumped up off the floor and out of her adopted mother’s bosom. She was thankful for the interruption but upset due to the fact something was starting to happen. Just from the voice, the core knew it was her dad who was hollering for her. When she saw him, his face was blood shot red. From just looking at him, anger rushed from him to her and it overwhelmed her. She fell to the emotion but tried to keep it under control.

 

In her soft, submissive, pouting, whiney voice she responded, “What are you doing here?”

 

“I’ve come to get you. Get your … in the car right now!” It was mother’s day in her dream and her biological parents were not saved. They had no respect for the church so a cuss word was easy to fly from their lips, especially his. The core had done such a drastic change from being a hateful atheist to being a devoted church member, sacrificing family ties for church ties. To miss a family function like that was nothing to her; she even enjoyed it because she no longer could fellowship peaceably with her parents. Years of work to keep her mouth from cussing even went to her mentality; she tried to keep it out of her thoughts. That didn’t matter with her parents in her mind. They were so bad with cussing; she could not convert it from the “a” word to butt. She was happy that her dad does say “hell” as well, which let her convert the “f” word to “hell”. At home her grandmother didn’t understand how this had happened, she raised him in church.

 

“No.” The core was scared to leave the building with him being angry. Her mother was there, just as angry.

 

“If I have to drag you out of this hole I will.”

 

“Audri why are you skipping my day for here? Isn’t church over with now? Why are you still here and not at home for family dinner?” Her birth mother did not, nor could she, understand why she chose church over family.

 

“You’re place is at home, now get the hell out. You are coming home with us. I don’t want you around these blacks anymore today.” There it was, the nice way for his racism to show through. He stepped forward to grab a hold of his daughter and she jerked back.

 

“I’m staying here. Why don’t you go home and have mothers day with grandma and with your son? Isn’t it obvious that I don’t want to be around you? All this hate, this anger, and this rage – no one wants to be around that. I’m free from being full of it ALL the time. There’s no relationship between us and I don’t believe we can have one. I remember when you said daddy that I was dead to you. So let me stay dead and leave me be.”

 

His response was even more hateful than what he started with. He was even angrier and started to lay hands on her. Those very hands that once held her with love reached for her to drag her by the hair out of the church. Her hands went up in defense and he grabbed her by the arm. He pulled and she used her weight to her advantage. She leaned back and turned into dead weight. Many things were rushing through her dream mentality while this skirmish was taking place. Her eyes gazed directly at her mother. She had remembered something she did not want to deal with; something she did not want to admit actually happened.

 

“He would kill you if he knew. Don’t worry; you don’t even know what I’m talking about. You’ve forgotten what I’m talking about, and for most of my life I had forgotten too. I can’t even tell you how badly I suffered from the consequences of what YOU did. Dad, take her and go. There are things that I need to do here and I can’t with you here interrupting it.”

 

Her father looked at her mother, confused as to what his daughter was talking about. Just as confused as he was, her mother looked back at him. The core was telling the truth when she said her mom had forgotten. It was something she did when the core was small and she did not want to talk about it. Someone had told her the year before that the trauma was so damaging; she was having panic attacks when she slept. For the sake of survival, her mind blocked that event out. In her sleep she points her finger at her mother as the culprit. The one who prophesied to her said it was a female who was close, and she could not picture her grandmother doing it. Her grandmother was an old school Baptist woman who may have accidentally done something while she was giving her a bath. She was willing to give her grandmother the benefit of the doubt but not her mother. Not after what the core’s mom had said about what she desired when she was four years old. When she had told the core that desire, the core knew her dearly beloved mother was perverse in her mind.

 

That was the end of that dream but it repeat. The next one was exactly like it except for the detail of what the consequences were. While the core was shouting them out, she became more and more hateful. After that was the same dream with a different ending. It just repeated over and over again until she faded into a deeper sleep. When the core woke up, she didn’t understand why that thing was on her mind as she slept. It was a distraction from dealing with rejection. She didn’t want to focus or think on it so she pushed to keep her mind on the rejection. Through the whole day she had woken up for many different reasons. Whether it was because she was thirsty, hot, cold, needed to go to the bathroom, a text message, a phone call, an email, or was wanting something to eat she spent the whole day in bed – despite the bathroom and kitchen trips. Her waking up for the night meant it was about 9 PM; she had to be at work at 10. Thankfully because of her grandmother going a different route to get to the city’s highway, she was able to save up to 10 minutes on travel distance. That extra time left more time to pray and she took advantage of it.

 

Speeding, on the way to work, she stressed about getting to work on time and stressed about prayer. She couldn’t think of any kind of rejection pain that bothered her except for what she experienced from the ordained one. That’s what her second and short prayer was about. Something happened in the atmosphere at work, she was unable to focus in prayer where as she used to be able to. With the struggle, it left her prayer to be about a ten to twenty minute prayer and it took thirteen minutes for the song. Somehow she ended up doing both the song and the prayer before going into work to suffer from the hands of the person who worked in electronics.

Time

•June 6, 2015 • Leave a Comment

I know its been a bit since my last post. I have a decision between adding more dreams or working on the thirty days. It might be a bit on the thirty days because I’m having trouble with the first week. There’s so many details that I need to write about, a lot of days missed and a lot of days misplaced. Dreams of the core’s need to be written out as well and there are more things happening in her sleep than when she is awake. More things happening in her mind than in real life. Thirty days is a lot to cover at once too. Yes I will break it up so its not daunting to read as one gigantic post. This one is just to really say I have not stopped or forgotten about my viewers. Everyone from the beginning knows I get spurts of activity and then I go dead silent for longer periods of time. This is my reassurance that this is not that. Just a lot to write. I’m not finding the time to just sit and focus to write right now. Busy. Sad thing is, I tried to start this chapter before I even wrote the last one and yes this continual story is turning into a book. Each post under the Psalms 42 category are chapters in my book. Each post is a chapter (except parts 2 and so forth. The initial title is the title of the chapter). Though I’ve just pu locally declared I’m writing a book, I’m not going to let it stress me and I have no time table. I praise the Lord on that, my hair is breaking from stress so I am happy this is not an add on. I like my hair lol. Anyways, this is just an update. 

Dream Explanation

•May 29, 2015 • Leave a Comment

The Tag Team Dreams are not “tag team” because of just having two dreams. There were multiple dreams that the core had that day. The reason I’m calling it “Tag Team” is because mostly just two things are talking to her as she dreamed them. Two common denominators – rejection and obsession. A very powerful duo for mental and emotional torment. The common denominator between them is the ordained one.

Tag Team Dream Pt 3 – Dream 3

•May 29, 2015 • Leave a Comment

A visiting evangelist had preached up to two visitations before, that the child had known of, and another dream began to form as that one ended. At Senior’s church, an alter call was being made. Both the ordained one and the core were there. Usually the core sits around the ordained one but not in this dream; she had reached the point where she no longer wanted to sit near her. As usual the ordained one took her seat on the front pew, on the right side of the sanctuary and on the outer end seat. This time, the core sat on the left of the sanctuary, in the back, right in front of the video camera. In her actual life, she made an effort not to sit in the back due to teaching being instilled in her. However, at this moment, she did not care. She wanted to hide away from anyone who would notice her.

 

“Ruth come up here”. The evangelist called for a female named Ruth and no one there was named Ruth but immediately the core knew he was talking to her. She didn’t want to admit it so she slid downward in her seat and waited for him to move on. To her it was either that or hope for an off chance someone was there who was actually named Ruth. “I said Ruth come here. You’re hurting and there is something really messed up in your spirit. Your relationship with Naomi is jacked up.” They both waited for a few more minutes before he spoke again. “You know who you are, you knew I was talking to you the first time I mentioned ‘Ruth’, if you don’t want your healing then fine stay in your seat”. Everything changed when he said, “healing”. She stood up and walked down the alter isle towards the evangelist.

 

“Ahh, here you are. I’m looking into your spirit man and I can see just how much torment and turmoil you are going through. You’re being vexed and you are heart broken. Why has Naomi left? Do you know who Naomi is? Of course you do. Why don’t you point to Naomi then.” Just as he had instructed, her finger went up and pointed directly at the ordained one. When the ordained one saw that she was Naomi, she looked puzzled; she didn’t understand. “Naomi come up here too. Ruth do you know why I’m calling you Ruth and Naomi?”

 

“Because Senior said our relationship was like that of Ruth and Naomi on the day I got saved.” The core answered.

 

“Correct. But your relationship with sis Elizabeth is not working out the same way as Ruth and Naomi’s did. Why is your story different from theirs? What happened?”

 

“An Elder came to visit our church one day, out of the blue, and he was put up to speak. I was sitting in my seat and he called me up front and he said I was free. Being so happy to hear the good news, I told her that he said I was free and she took it as her assignment being over. She left. It broke my heart and I nearly backslid into it, hating God.”

 

“Wow”. Senior was standing in the alter as an over looker (not a spectator of sorts) when he heard that. He made a sound that a person could not describe with words.

 

“Sis Elizabeth, I hear God saying that your relationship with her is not over. Yes he was going to move you out of her life, but when she was ready. You departed too soon and the attack from the enemy set her back a great deal. It halted her progress for the Holy Ghost and for deliverance. I hear him saying to pick up where you left off and work with her like you have for the past year and a half. Don’t give up on her this time. It’ll be different from before. There are also still some things that you need worked on. Only by working with her will you change. You need her as much as she needs you. And you are going to impart some more things into her by the laying on of hands.” The evangelist finished and the ordained one did not look happy but she accepted it.

 

Hopefully God filled up her tank and put her on F again. The last conversation before she said goodbye was that she was going to be hard on me and these spirits and that she was on E. She said I had drained her and her tank was empty.

 

“Oh! I hear God saying sis Elizabeth that she remembers the things you have spoken to her and over her. She remembers some of the good but a lot of the bad and I hear that the devil uses the bad for tormenting fuel. Be careful what you say to her and how you say it. She is ever so searching, paying attention, to how you interact with her. There’s a heart that is looking for something from you; something you don’t know how to give to her just yet but if you let God work on you, you will learn. Once you do, that will change everything in her life and she will come out of a lot of things that she has power to come out of right now. Things she chooses not to come out of just yet. That’s all I have evangelist.” Senior had stepped in to prophecy to the ordained one when he saw the visitor finish. The core looked at the ordained one and she could swear that her mom had turned red with anger. For them to hear that she chose not to come out of things; that was confirmation to the ordained one but it also made her mad that she was right.