2015 to 2016

OK I’m seeing change from last year. Of some change I can sometimes hear God when he speaks. Last year I was frustrated because I desired to hear him and I had this “ideal” of what it would be like, how it was supposed to go and I wasn’t able to hear because the way he spoke was outside of my “box”. Somewhere between last year and this year I started to hear him but it took a great fall. I was so far up in the air on the mountain top and he was in the valley being the lily of the valley. So he brought me down to where he was, where I could hear him.

Also last year I was frustrated because I “saw” that I was unable to sense him. I thought I was unable to sense him and I wanted to. Again I had this imagination of what it should be like and what actually goes on is no where near what I had imagined. Again, another fall. I fell out of that imagination and everything else that caused the frustration.

God uses every fall of mine to bring about a change – to bring about a maturity in him. He said a just man falls 7 times but gets back up again. He also said that what was meant for evil, He turns around for good. Every evil that has taken place in my falls have opened my eyes to see the glory and change of God in my life.

He’s kept me when I believed I shouldn’t have been kept. He stayed with me when I questioned why. I told him I had done this that and everything else as if he didn’t already know. Yet he still loved me and still wanted me. His expected end for me is so much greater than what my imagination can fathom and it (my end) pleases Him. I do know that much. Don’t believe me when I say I don’t see a change. I have moments when I do and those moments are forgotten when I say I don’t. But yes I’m able to see a change in my life from last year to this year.

Another big change is that I have emotion other than anger and depression. You would think a depressed person would cry a lot but I was unable to cry. Now I can. I can cry when others are hurt. I can cry when I’m hurt. I can cry tears of joy and tears of laughter. I’m bothered to see others suffering. I actually care about people. 2 years in the making and now I’m more human and less robot. Change.

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~ by davisddesigns on December 30, 2015.

 
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