30 Days of Rejection – Day 10

At work she began to notice the coworker isolating her. A shorter man who wore glasses and was minutely slow in his thinking came around to talk to her, or at least he tried. “He’s not full fledged slow in the head but just enough to notice something isn’t right and that he’s not normal”. She tried to think positively and tried to not call him retarded though it was difficult.

 

“You have no right to think of him like that because you have the same spirit in you. Remember the shut in before you ‘got saved’? That Wednesday night your precious mother said she saw it. It was really late, around midnight or later and she was frustrated with you because of us. Suddenly she could see your face twist and you looked like you were handicapped retarded. On top of that, she looked away and saw that oldness in you. She couldn’t see ‘you’ at all because they were being shown to her. Remember that conversation? What did she say to your leader about it? ‘I have a deeper compassion for her now’ was it? Where did THAT go?”

 

Jesus! Where did it go? She said she had compassion on me but where did it go? In the fleshly mind she thought these things but the thought did not echo out of the core’s mouth. The face she portrayed towards being reminded of that night was of nothingness; a blank stare. Her eyes blinked from time to time but no tear was shed, she wasn’t upset or hurt by being reminded of that night.

 

“I shouldn’t get angry but I am. Why? Why am I angry about being isolated? She gets to talk to her friends as they come around but I can’t even talk to this man for twenty seconds before she runs him off. It’s not fair and its not just him. I’m doing well on speed now so why can’t I talk to people as they pass? Why is she doing this to me? I want to complain to someone who will listen, this is a problem. It wouldn’t be if my heart was hard and I didn’t care. But now I’m growing the more sensitive so it’s a big problem.”

 

“That’s your response? Nothing to what I just said?” Rejection looked confused by her vocal response as well as her visual response.

 

“I don’t have time for you. Anger is being fed and I don’t know why. He has my attention, not you. I’m even feeling it, it’s not just my fleshly body that is angry but ‘me’ the center core is even getting angry. Isolation doesn’t come around to talk to me often and I praise God for it. My fear is loneliness showing up because of this. In all actuality, he should be here with you but he isn’t. Again, I praise God for it. Now go and leave me alone”. She waved her hand to move rejection out of her line of sight when she told him to go. Like a whipped dog he walked back towards the heart, getting ready to start beating on it again.

 

“Wait.” Control walked into the vicinity and motioned for rejection to stop. “Let Deception talk to her for a bit. She feels relieved; she thinks that you have grown weaker concerning her adopted mother so just wait. I want him to lie to her to see if she will fall for it like she did in January. If we can pull her out of prayer again, we will have a stronger hold on her”.

 

On her lunch break she called her pastor and fussed to him about what was going on. He told her it was just a test and she was not happy to hear it. She regretted calling him because he had that soft answer all the time, even with what he was saying. His answer might not had been soft but the tone of voice was and it just drained her of all anger, frustration, and rage. That trio had no power when talking to him and when she wanted to be angry she couldn’t. She didn’t want an answer, she didn’t want to hear that from him, she just wanted to fuss and feel better about fussing. When it came to go home in the morning, she didn’t know what to pray about. Due to the sense of the rejection lifting, she had nothing to pray about.

 

I’ve cried my tears over my biological parents rejecting me. It doesn’t hurt that they gave me up. I’m angry about it but it doesn’t hurt and it doesn’t cause me to cry. Peer rejection is not an issue. Rarely did I ever get hurt because no one wanted me…I don’t think I ever got hurt because of the kids not wanting me around. By that time it was just a normal way of life. I’m going to continue to reject myself and it doesn’t even hurt or bother me that I do it. I refuse to accept myself until I’m healed from diabetes. What do I pray about? The only actual rejection that hurts and is troublesome is from hers and that lifted. What do I do?” Inching closer and closer to the set prayer time, the child could not think of anything to pray about. For the past 9 days she was set to pray over the rejection from the ordained one and at that one moment, it wasn’t an issue.

 

“God I thank you for January because this happened to me once before. I felt like I didn’t need to pray over deliverance or the baptism because you said it was going to happen. I stopped praying and I thank you for that experience. It’s the same feeling as now and I recognize this because of that. Yes I feel like I don’t have anything to pray about and that her rejection has lifted but I’m going to pray anyways. I thank you because if I didn’t have that first experience, I would be listening to this feeling and walking in disobedience. It’s my set of three days that I set aside for the spirit; it’s my third day to be exact. Thank you Jesus. Father in Jesus name I ask that you deliver me from parental rejection. I ask that you deliver me from any peer rejection and I ask that you deliver me from Elizabeth’s rejection. Hallelujah! I thank you for setting me free; I praise you for the deliverance. In Jesus name I declare and decree I will be delivered from rejection after this month. I declare that I will pass this trial and that spirit will go in Jesus mighty name. I shall not hurt from this spirit anymore and I thank you Father. Lord you said you would never leave me nor forsake me. You said that you would not forget me; that my mother may forget me but you wouldn’t because you carved me in your hand. Jesus you said before I was formed in my mother’s womb you knew me. You said you adopted me and I can cry Abba Father. There is even the scripture that says I have the spirit of Adoption now. If my parents forsake me then you would be there to take me. My adopted mother that I care for so much has forsaken me just like my birth parents. By your word, you are there for me; to take me. Thank you. Just so I cover everything, I even ask to be healed from any and all sexual rejection.” Tears formed in her eyes when she mentioned sexual rejection. All the men she had slept with had one thing in common; they took from her but did not give her any kind of pleasure. All of them had rejected the very notion of giving back and she felt rejected from it. Like any normal woman, she felt like there was something wrong with her because they refused to give back. She was used to being used but this was different; a different league in its own right. “In Jesus name I pray, amen.“

 

Later the ordained one called and the two talked. The core was happy to hear her voice, happy to talk to her up until she touched on feeling like there was no sense in needing to pray over rejection.

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because it feels like it broke, that I gained freedom in this area”.

 

“See that’s why you need deliverance. You’re quick to think that something broke, that something lifted but it isn’t so. Just because you got temporary relief doesn’t mean that spirit has gone anywhere. These spirits have you so bound and have your mind so far out there, its worse than what I thought it was. I just know you need to keep pushing”

 

“Ok”.

 

“I’m going to call tomorrow so we can talk about some other things. Give me your weekly report then.”

 

“Ok.” Her countenance fell as the conversation continued. Afterwards, the core went to sleep to dream about the ordained one being nicer. Tried as she might, she rarely was able to get a “nicer ordained one” in a dream. What shocked her was that she called on a Friday. It was day eleven and a Friday and it was a nice surprise up to the point of the rebuke.

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~ by davisddesigns on July 9, 2015.

 
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