Dream Scenario

An old red brick church was the core’s place of refuge. A dead ministry failed to keep up with maintenance, which left the new life giving ministry a tremendous amount of trouble. The roof was about to cave in, the air conditioning and heating system was in shambles and money was wasted trying to heat or cool the sanctuary. Air escaped into the walls, never to reach the intended target area. All the benches needed to be replaced or refurbished with new padding, the carpet needed to be either professionally washed or torn up for new carpet. In the back was a kitchen with a broken stove, no heating or cooling whatsoever, and behind that was a dining hall. No rooms for Sunday school so the church broke off into two groups. All the children were taught as one class in the kitchen and all the adults were in the sanctuary. Rodents were in the attic and the walls, only to come out and chew on paper towels. The rest of the time they were either outside or running in the walls to spoof anyone who was staying late. The building came with three doors and one was not securely shut to the core’s satisfaction. Her church, when she first showed up, was located in a drug stricken neighborhood. Right across the street located a smaller white church building. It did not have a parking lot, which made it harder on the people and the red church had an interesting parking lot. It was striped wrong, cramming the cars together and locking people in their spaces. Loose, sometimes small sometimes large, rocks were always in the lot. With the neighborhood full of disrespecting people, there was no a service that went by where someone did not have to pick up trash off the property. Usually a lot of the trash consisted of alcohol cans, cigarette packs, coke bottle pieces, and food wrappers.

 

Two years in the same location, two years of the church developing problems in the building, and over two years multiple drug dealers moved away. More kept moving in, but they never lasted. That particular ruler had dominion over the houses across the street next to the white church building. As time and prayer went on, that power started to diminish. All of this was all the core knew. When she slept, her dreams were about church services and possibilities of what could happen or reflections of what did happen. Dreams of “what should have”, “what could have” happened as well as desires of the ordained one being there. She didn’t care if the ordained one was there with her own pastor or if she came to visit with the pastor of that church. The two were father and son preachers in two different locations, two different cities and two different personalities altogether. She dubbed the father as “senior”, out of what she understood to be respect. All the while, this red building was appointed unto the core’s pastor. He inherited it from the denomination he found himself in. That same denomination he was raised in because senior was in it for many years and his mother was involved many more years. Junior’s aunt proclaimed that her mother was a missionary in the denomination although their church was no longer in it. For her to go back and call her that denomination’s missionary, it told the core that the denomination was part of her; almost as if she was born into it.

 

“Born in it” made an impact on her life due to a song. There was a song that was sung at church meetings and part of it was sung, “you cannot join in, you have to be born in”. This child never understood that part. She was “joining” in, reluctantly, and Rejection talked to her when they sung that song. Due to the lyrics being as they were, he had room to tell her she did not belong and that was the deepest cut he had ever inflicted. Living day in and day out, feeling like she never belonged anywhere and was not wanted was her worst pain. None of that made a difference in her dream world. In that world she was loved, accepted, and belonged. Sleeping was an escape for her, a means to escape the pain of being awake. She hated drugs and alcohol so she didn’t have the escape of getting high or drunk nor did she want that experience. Music used to have a very strong pull on her, used to be able to affect her mentality and her emotions. During her time at the church, the power began to fade. She didn’t pay attention to what the Lord was doing to bring down the walls, even before the ordained one showed up in her life.

 

Because of the kind of conversations Rejection was having with her, he shifted her dreams. They used to be positive experiences with the ordained one involved but with the shift, she was tormented. Some had her respond with anger, a lot with her shutting down, and a lot with her being devastated because of the presence of her loved one. She even thought on that in her sleep, how she didn’t understand love or how to love yet she knew she loved the ordained one. To her disappointment there was no emotional feeling like Disney portrays. Growing up on Disney, she saw love as an emotional experience and she was looking for that. For her to not be able to “feel” the emotion, she did not recognize love or any other kind of compassionate trait. One day she looked up the word love and it describes love as a verb, that its something people show. Everything she did in love, she did not know it was love that drove her to do them things. Her ever sense of servitude toward the ordained one was fueled by love, yet she only saw “servitude”. Unable to stop thinking about the ordained one, she explained it as obsession or idolatry; she refused to admit it was love. This new thing, this thing she did not understand and would not recognize it as so, was real enough for Rejection to use it against her. He used it against her as she slept, playing video reels of the ordained one being her mother like she desired. Reels of her newly adopted mother treating her like a daughter by Disney’s standards. The child did not understand what a mother-daughter relationship was, she did not have an actual relationship with her biological mother. She was not put in an orphanage or in foster care, she was handed over to her grandparents and her grandparents left her to her own devices. A parental connection with her was something she longed for and no one she has ever known could fill that role; until the ordained one came into her life and spoke that she would. Such an important woman in her life could not be let go of in her dreams. At least in them, she could dream about the relationship she desperately desired.

 

If she wasn’t dreaming about her own church, she was dreaming about services at Senior’s church. It was two stories, including the basement, and it had stone steps to walk up at the front. As she walked in, there was what she called a hallway. It had a table, front and center, off to the left was the end with another table, and off to the right was the sound room. Inches on both sides of the table were two archways, which lead into the sanctuary. Just as her church was red, Senior’s was purple. His curtains were purple, his logo was purple and it was printed on a banner that draped in the center, behind the pulpit. He had a baptismal pool behind the banner, for all she knew it was not used. Within steps of walking into the left archway, there was a wall short in distance. Across from it were the bathrooms, first the men’s and then the women’s as she walked from the entrance door. Past them were pews facing the sanctuary, resting on an elevated platform like the pulpit. Even further down past the pews were two chairs, what looked like an end table in between them, and to the left of them was the offering table. In the corner was a door with a ramp for the disabled. She couldn’t remember if that door was closed off or if it was available for use. There was a room behind the chairs that she was never in, but she saw evangelists go into that room after they finished preaching. She also saw the money go into that room, she just did not know anything about it. There was another hallway that started at the room door and it led to another door. Behind that door was a small nursery room for the children to play, but she didn’t believe the children ever used it during service. All the times she had visited, the children were always in the sanctuary with the parents, disrupting service. To the immediate right of the nursery door was another door, which lead to the back door of the building, the stairs to the basement, and another set of bathrooms. If there was anything else, she had never paid any attention to it. The guardrail for the stairs ended up creating a wall and that ended up creating a hallway of its own. The pulpit had a door that opened up to the back room as well and that was located in the back corner if looked at from the sanctuary. If anyone wanted to reach the pastor in his office, they had to walk through the nursery.

 

All of those doors and rooms were located on the left side of the church. In between the pews and the chairs, next to the platform, located the instruments. The organ rested on top of the pulpit platform but the electric piano and drums were on the base floor with the church. Even though the color of the church was purple, the padding for all the seats were teal green. Unlike her church, these pews were completely wooden with detachable seats that just sat on top of the wood. Being detachable like that served purpose when the ordained one needed to “shut in”. She used them as bed pads and the way she laid them, they were more comfortable than sleeping on the red pews. The sanctuary consisted of two columns of pews facing the pulpit with extra space for two more small pews facing the instruments and the pews on the platform. In front of those two small ones sat a row of purple seats with wooden armrests and wooden legs. On the platform were more rows of purple seats facing the stand. Behind it, she could see the pastoral seats, Senior’s seat and smaller seats for visiting pastors. Behind those were more pews for elders, deacons, ministers, and even possibly a choir. With the background that she had, the core saw those pews in front of the baptismal pool as the seating area for a choir. To the right of the pews was yet another door. All she knew about what was behind that door was a refrigerator. That church had a working heating and cooling system and the vents were in the floor, some were right in the walking isle. The walking isle was where people lined up for alter calls, where they walked to give their tithes, and where they walked to sit on the inside of the isle. She called it the walking isle because she didn’t know what the official term was for it.

 

Out of all her dreams, a majority of them was set up at her own church. A large, but smaller, portion was also set up in Senior’s church. The rest of her dreams were split between fellowship experiences at restaurants or homes, at least before she started her job. Nearly three months in, work dreams started to infiltrate her sleep and less than one percent of those had anything to do with a church “atmosphere”. Less than one percent had anything to do with her church family being involved and when it did, it was her hopes and desires of them showing up. Two years had been a lot of change for this child in her dream world. She had come a very long way, traveled an extremely long distance from what she had cycling through her mind all the time to what was in her mind at that moment.

 

What she would not trade for the world was her church. Despite all that was wrong with it, none of the people seemed to care when the presence of the Lord showed up. Raggedy as it was, as poor as the people were, they were all grateful and thankful because God was with them. Lives were being changed, some as instant miracles and some were a slow process. Deliverance took place, the exact thing she needed. Other people who had walls such as her own, they were able to reach God and he tore theirs down in matter of one service. What the core did not know is what happened afterwards. She did not know if they left and rebuilt them later in life or if they let it stay rubble, she just knew what was going on with her. Prophetic words were going forth to encourage and sometimes correct the people. Everyone could receive of the Lord there, even her though she was unable to recognize it. God was moving on the inside, on the spiritual side, for her and she left disappointed quite often because she was looking for something she could feel and none of this she could. Ministers from Senior’s church talked about how free the core’s church was as far as the spirit goes. How free, secure, and stable it was. He was being called with prophetic word about how different his anointing was, how different he was, how the Lord was going to move him and how it was time for his change. The most recent word for him was about how God was about to change everything around, how he was sending provision and how he was about to bless. That everything up to this moment was a test, was a trial, and he had passed.

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~ by davisddesigns on May 26, 2015.

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