Who Will Contend

Piece by piece the stone shell was chipping away to reveal the beating heart on the inside. With each beat, a stream of blood flowed out of its skin because of a puncture wound. There were scars, which were still hidden behind the shell, from previous devastating heartbreak in life. The new one spewing out blood was from the ordained one reaching close to her heart before leaving. If God was not chipping away at the shell as the ordained one took each step closer to the core, it wouldn’t had been vulnerable enough to be pierced.

 

Her chains and shackles weren’t broken yet, not the chains binding her to the stone shell. Every wall that fell, every wall that crumbled by the power of God drew the attention of the builder. He had to come see what was going on with his masterpiece in this child’s life. When he showed up, he was pleased that the guards were circled around and hovering over the girl. What pleased him more was the beating they were giving her.

 

A life spent allowing the builder to build his towering wall and his labyrinth with its guards being strategically placed in each section. That same life spent in shackles linking to the base of the shell. The base to the heart that started it all, everything she was dealing with came from it. In the beginning it was just a base at the bottom and over her lifetime it grew to a complete shell. She can’t leave, she can’t really move and she can’t really do anything to defend herself with her own strength.

 

Everyone in the out most parts of the labyrinth were hearing from God. They were relaying the message “fight” just as the ordained one had heard when she was walking towards the core. Her message was mainly “fight” with very little change. On occasion she would say, “You have to fight against those spirits”. Those very words repeated in her mind as she was being hit, kicked, slapped, spit on, and abused by the spirits. Fighting was so far from her mind; she even chuckled at the thought of being able to lift a finger in defense. One chuckle, one grin before the next hit made contact. She thought “how? This is not a natural fight in the flesh and I am still bound by chains. How am I supposed to fight back?”

 

After thinking that her mind went back to memories of “pray” and “read the word to have substance to fight with”. So she started to pray and the scriptures she did know, she started to pray with them. She needed something to stop the bleeding of her heart so she wouldn’t bleed to death. This was a deep wound that would not stop bleeding. It was so bad that it made her scared; thinking she was hemorrhaging. Healing was the first thought on her mind so she started praying to be healed even though she was still being beat on by the guards. When she started, rejection started to turn its attention to the heart and not to her. Her eyes were swollen yet she watched and listened as it walked towards her heart.

 

Now there was no chance for her to be healed. Rejection started beating on the wound to keep it sore and open. Discouragement took the place of beating on the core. Both attacking like they were really brought the core to her lowest, taking all hope away. Taking all desire to even serve God anymore, the builder almost had his victory. Then the preacher started rebuking the core and that snapped her out of being hurt and defeated. With the rebuke came something to give her strength, something to help her endure what she was dealing with. Anger moved to a position of being a patrol guard. Anytime she would cry out in pain and anguish, he would show up to mask it and hide it. Words came to encourage her but nothing was getting through the guards. What they did allow through were messages of being separated from the ordained one. Prophecies about being delivered from her, needing to let her go, needing to let the past go, and that not everyone was going where she was going.

 

This labyrinth in the mind, in the soul, did not keep physical emotion from rising. When anger went on patrol, the spiritual manifested in the natural. It moved in just underneath the skin, waiting patiently to surface from its dormant state. Frustration also went on patrol and it became more active than anger. Four days a week its active for nine hours a day and it takes the girl everything she has to keep it at bay. Then her prayer shifted into a more focused prayer and another interaction with the ordained one came. It wasn’t as bad, she didn’t want to leave God that time, just wanted to skip church for a while. Her reaction was to sleep the pain away, not pray and skip church until the pain left. Hurt again, as if no healing had taken place.

 

On the third day, she saw grapes and became happy. There was no reason or explanation as to why grapes made her happy except God. That’s when she remembered the scripture of him taking the foolish things of the world to confound the wise. Here was a perfect example of something foolish being used to increase the joy in the girl, something that would confuse a wise person; it confused the intellectual side of her as well. Heaviness lifted with the grapes and she was able to breathe again, able to want to do more than sleep. Next church service she was present.

 

All the church she had gone to so far and the guards still were beating her down. They still stole from her, still choked life out of her, still tormented her and would not let her let them go. They would not allow her to let go of her past, would not allow her to open up to release anything. Still unable to fight back, there was no will power to fight back. She had a desire to but the actual action of fighting had not started happening. The strongman of laziness worked with fear to sap her strength and the very will power she needed to fight. Fear crippled her, laziness made her body heavy. God began to hear her ask for strength over both guards. At first it was disobedience, then came laziness and fear. With the ordained one talk, she added manipulation to the list. Begging the Lord for strength over each, to be delivered from each. She asked for focus, for diligence to keep praying despite not being able to see a change, and she asked for instructions on what she needed to do to receive the gift she so greatly desired. Between her walls starting to fall and the beating she was receiving, she had made up in her mind that she was not going to go through another year without that connection to God.

 

Word then came about pride and how God resists the proud. Prayer shifted again to humility. Past talks started to resurface about pride and being humble, steps in how to humble herself and she started taking steps in those directions. More word came; telling her to live and that she was being healed from the inside out. Prophecy came telling her that she was not being ministered to like everyone else, not being touched like everyone else, was because of all the years of hurt. Messages came to help her yet hours afterwards; the word was stolen from her. She began to feel like she was the ground in which seed fell that the fowls of the air came to devour. Ground that was not good ground, not fertile ground, not ground that was going to make it. More frustration.

 

Then prayer changed again. Going back to old things that did work, looking to pick them up and hope for them to work again. Being healed from inside out meant the newest pain would take a while before it was going to be addressed. And she even hurt the most when trying to surrender that very pain, trying to surrender the relationship with the ordained one. Not just tears came forth but a resistance to surrender and a resistance to even cry. She had such a great effort to hold on for dear life. After all, the ordained one was the first one she had actually loved in a very long time. For all she knew, the first one she had ever loved. And the fact she never loved herself showed because of how she treated the ordained one. Something else was then added to prayer, she refuses to stay the same and even confessed being fake in the church to the preacher. Confessed she didn’t know what her identity was because she had been wearing masks for too long. Fake for too long. For her to confess that, it took courage, which gave her some strength over the fear that bound her.

 

She wants something, a lot of things, and she reached the point of being tired. She ran out of energy to give to the guards. Her mind is set and part of it is the frustration and fear of being left behind as she watches everyone around her reach great heights in God. She sees everyone get their breakthrough and in her heart she asks “Lord, what about me?” Every service, discouragement looks to hit her and doubt looks to talk to her. This is the beginning of her contention for what she desires. To overcome.

Advertisements

~ by davisddesigns on April 29, 2015.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: