Positive Results After Negative Analysis

Ok so I went into work in a really great happy mood. I was proud about the test results on that personality website. Over the forced years of therapy and tests they gave me, basically all the results reflected this websites in one night. I got huffy puffy mad when someone mentioned borderline personality disorder and a memory came back of being classified as it. Knew I was ocd and anti social. Grew into paranoia over the past two years. I really was bouncing happy because of being classified the nine traits and still no medication and I function.

My team lead asked if I was in a bubbly mood and I told her yes. The whole night I was listening to Celtic music that I ended up getting back in the past 24 hour time period. One song really lifted my spirit up so I put that on repeat and I was having a blast. I was having a high. My body was telling me it was upset with what I was putting into it (eating) and I physically felt like crap but my spirit was up and I was happy. The night before I was saying “I don’t want to suffer from this attack of depression, not this time” and I didn’t know it but I was talking about severe / deep depression. That’s the one that hits the hardest and here I was declaring I didn’t want to suffer at its hands and next night (last night) I’m bouncy happy.

I was more or less bragging to three people about the lack of medications and how I’m fine even with that many mental disorders. Out of the three, only one I got to say “Its cause of God”. One of the two that I didn’t get to say that to was saying “therapy, medication, self help, something is making you depressed” and at that I was thinking “uhh yea I kinda know a little bit about what”. Then that person said they had to go and that their preacher friend announced he was gay. My mental response was “you did that on purpose but you know what, I don’t care anymore”. Over the course of I don’t know how long, I’ve become less judgmental over certain people. That’s good because God is everyone’s judge and I am not to be a judge to other people. So that weight is starting to come off me and that in itself makes me happy. Other than that, work was pretty straightforward and it flew by fast which helped get to 10 faster.

Church started a revival and some reason I ended up going after work. I got the tail end of it and I was happier listening to that secular song for a couple hours than I was sitting under that preacher. That alone told me something – don’t listen to him again. Despite how my mood was dropping, I didn’t let it go. The benefits of listening to a song for hours on end is the mental freshness. My mind started playing the highlights of the song and that perked me back up. Then I started seeing things.

I started seeing animations of squiggly lines being a spring. I’ve been told by two people about how I will jump by leaps and bounds in Christ and that squiggly spring was a mental picture of that. I watched the animation clip in my mind so its not like I was actually seeing things that weren’t there. It clicked as to why I’m having such a hard time in my walk right now. Being in this house is a suffocating burden in itself and the dominating spirits here try so hard to put out the light that’s in me. You take that weight of this atmosphere and couple that with the weight of the depressions I’m suffering from. Take those two factors and couple it with scripture talking about a wounded and broken spirit and how it dries up the bones and how it makes you weak. I’m just in wow at all the growth I have actually had and how many times I’ve been able to be in the presence of God. Just wow. After that “ye shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free” popped in my head and things started to connect. Pastor is heavy on reminding us “when the praises go up is when the blessings will come down” and he’s heavy on preaching about praise God for something first and watch him move. That’s how I got broken out of addiction to McDonalds food; I praised him and blessed him for the day I wouldn’t be praying over that food anymore. I got into that habit and after a few weeks, I wasn’t dependent on the food. Believe me, when I got to break away I was so happy. That sticks with me. Now I’m on a different perspective. Haven’t even started mentioning what it is and I’m smiling real wide.

I will get my change and I will get my deliverance not by begging but by praying and praising God for it.

 

Just rereading that makes me excited and happy. I’m motivated and excited. The spark for God is flaming now. God said in Revelation he would rather us be hot or cold. I’m hot for God and in this, I have a description I posted on Facebook I would like to repeat here.

This is more so for any Dragon Ball Z fans who are also believers. Scripture says that the joy of the Lord is our strength. I lied down in bed thinking “how can I keep my strength if a huge sumo wrestling giant breaks into my house and steals it”. Then I started to think about the fat Buu from DBZ. The first Buu was fat and simple and more or less a simple-minded idiot who liked to turn everyone and everything into chocolate and eat it. Then came the second Buu which looked angry and hateful and lastly came the kid Buu. Kid Buu was a monstrosity. Anyways, all three could bounce back from any attack from the good guys and basically all the attacks were repelled because they were so weak.

Let’s say Buu represents Depression and he turned our joy, our strength into chocolate and ate it. So now we are beat down Christians who go to therapists and we go on medications. They are our weak attacks against this monster of a problem and no matter what we do, nothing changes; at least for the better. As DBZ fans would know, Goku (main hero) beat Buu with a spirit bomb. For us, lets say the spirit bomb is God. Nothing short of God can do anything against depression just like nothing short of that massive spirit bomb with a super saiyan energy boost could do anything against Buu.

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~ by davisddesigns on June 5, 2013.

 
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