Self Destruction – Slow Suicide

I just posted what would be a long-winded confession over self-pity. Now I want to talk about self-destruction.  In a way, self-pity is connected to self-destruction and in all honestly, anything in that contains the word “self” is connected to everything else containing the word “self”. However, what I want to talk about is how self-destruction is a very slow poison and a slow way to commit suicide.

In my own personal life, as well as others through testimony, self-destruction is not the starting problem. It’s a response to self-hatred, which is a response to self-rejection, which is a response to rejection. So there is a chain link of negative things about self, which is connected to what can be the root to all problems. Really, the rejection that starts it all is a rejection from someone who is supposed to love you. Then you start to think there is something wrong with you because that person(s) does not love you and you start trying to find out why. If there is a problem that you can find, then you start rejecting yourself because of that problem and if it’s a problem you can’t change then you start to hate yourself. For me personally, there is a deep self-hatred towards my body.

That hatred starts to poison the body and it starts making things that cause problems. I believe that the people who get sick with serious things get that way partially because of the toxic stress on the body from the negative emotions swelling up inside. I heard from a chiropractor that the medical field has found out that there is a connection between bitterness and diseases like cancer. Paraphrasing what another source told me, when you hate yourself your body starts to make cells that attack your body. One reason I hate my body so much is because of being as heavy as I am as well as the skin problems. I know for a fact I wouldn’t have the skin problems if I didn’t hate on myself.

This is where self-destruction and self-hatred are tied together. Somewhere down the line I decided that I was going to destroy this body. With being a diabetic, the best way to do that is to take in a lot of sugar for a long period of time. That sugar also affects my skin in negative ways. With all kinds of spots popping up (that I talked about in the self mutilation post), I start to hate my skin even more. That produces more cells to cause more problems and it’s a never-ending cycle. Really, that’s why I state self-destruction as a slow way to commit suicide.

Suicide is about ending your life. What people don’t realize is, ending your life doesn’t mean something quick like jumping off a bridge or hanging yourself or shooting yourself. It can be subtle and slow. Self-destruction ultimately is also about ending your life. Everyone who does not take care of them self is committing suicide. A diabetic’s best shot at a not so obvious suicide is an over dose of sugar. If you do it like I did and built up your system to tolerate a lot of sugar, your death is going to be prolonged. Even though it’s going to take a longer period of time actually die, your going to suffer complications if you don’t stop. There’s a drive in me that will not let me stop being self-destructive. I can modify things here and there but the end result is still the same and I would rather not face that fact. Without the power, grace and mercy of God, I will die because of this road I’m on.  I know that and looking at all the events leading up to this and all the problems that are starting to appear, the devil wants to put me in a self-pity mentality. I just got done talking about that mentality so if you want to know more about it from my perspective, go read it and come back to the next paragraph.

People who smoke cigarettes, drinks alcohol, do drugs, pops pills, and eats unhealthy food are all destroying their bodies. The only other ways to be self-destructive is to completely waste and trash your life. I’m not wanting to focus on purposely or accidentally making bad decisions which leads to this or that event and what goes from there. I’m focusing more on the effects this mentality has on the body. All those things I mentioned are also addictions.

Everyone knows that smoking tobacco and chewing tobacco leads to cancer. There are some people who are blessed enough to live a long life and not ever suffer from cancer. Then there are some who are not fortunate and live a shorter life before finding out they have it. Lastly, there are the odd ones who live a long life before they come down with it. You may not obviously hate yourself and start smoking. You may not hate yourself at all and start. Heck, you may not even desire to destroy your body but you start because of peer pressure, curiosity, or because you think it makes you feel good. Whatever the reason is, and whether there is a desire to destroy your body or not, the act of smoking or chewing tobacco damages your body. Chewers tend to get mouth cancer, smokers tend to get mouth, throat or lung cancer and for the really bad cases – more than one of those.  The reason the cancer appears from tobacco usage, I believe, is because your body is not designed for it. My belief is that if foreign substances that your body was not made to process ends up entering inside it, it will damage your body. I have to say, “enter in” because you inhale cigarette smoke and the smoke damages your lungs but doesn’t affect any other part of the body in itself. The damaged cells are circulated through the rest of the body but not the actual smoke.

Drugs can be inhaled, snorted, swallowed, or entered directly into the blood stream. Two of the three affect your lungs as well but in a different way. The last one goes into your blood directly which more so fits the “entered in” scenario. Whatever drug you are doing outside of popping pills, it affects your brain. This drug affects that and that drug affects this. It doesn’t matter, your brain is affected in various ways and the drugs can also affect other parts of the body. Overall, it damages the body, which shortens your life. You can’t live a long life with a tethered body. You can’t really live a long life with a shot brain because of all the stuff you did to it “for fun” and “to get high”. I’m sorry drugs is not being talked on a lot. I don’t know much about them and I am not exposed to them so I can’t really go into great detail over them outside of what I have seen on documentary channels. I do remember the poster on the walls in high school about a girl on meth. It showed her being pale, her hair changing colors and her arms having holes in them. If that’s not a sign of self-destruction of the body, I don’t know what more there is.

There is a message I have listened to about escapism. In it, the preacher is talking about drug addicts doing drugs to escape reality. They do it because their life is so bad for them; they just want to get away from it all. Just like with smoking, you may want to purposely destroy your body or not but the end result is the destruction of your body.

Pills, food and alcohol all enter your body through the mouth and then the stomach. I don’t pop pills and I haven’t met anyone who does but I do know someone who has been around pill poppers. The way she describes them is that they are worse than drunks. Me dealing with someone who drinks alcohol every day of his life, I can’t imagine a pill popper being worse than an alcoholic. I’m going to break down the three to the best of my knowledge and perspective. This is my blog and its based on my outlook on life and each subject I talk about. It’s also about my testimonies as well as confessions.

I don’t know about pills for recreational use but I do know about them for meditational use. To me, a pill is a pill is a pill. The chemicals used to make them are damaging to the body. It doesn’t matter what kind of pill it is, the chemicals in it taxes the organs. The liver filters drugs as well as alcohol and the kidneys filter the blood. Based on my philosophy, right or wrong truth or not, the chemicals get filtered through the liver as well as the kidneys because of the affects it has on the blood. The drug pills like ecstasy is what works on the liver and I remember watching a show about it. It leads to dehydration as well as other things. People have died and have almost died and have been put into comas because of that pill.

Wanting to know what a pain pill can do to the body, I googled it. The reason I chose pain pills is because it’s the most commonly abused drug out there, and it leads to addiction. Here’s what I found based off of one site: “Different types of pain pills give you different negative effects. Steroids may cause you sleeping issues, hypertension, indigestion and a higher susceptibility to infection. Anti-inflammatory pain pills, in contrast, can lead to the irritation of your digestive tract as well as a heightened danger of getting kidney problems and stomach ulcers. Antidepressants can lead to wild mood changes as well as appetite problems.” Honestly, I don’t want to suffer any of those negative effects. They are all worse off than what the pills are made for. As a bonus negative – wild mood changes can lead to lots of trouble with a lot of the wrong people.

Next thing I’m going to is alcohol mainly because food is a major thing for millions of people, including myself. Alcohol is another means of escape. Being plastered leaves the person unaware of what is going on around them and they don’t remember it the next day. Alcohol also affects your field of vision and causes a lot of death in car crashes. Not only are you destroying your mind and your liver when you drink so much for so long, you are putting other people’s lives at risk. When you’re plastered and can’t remember things, you break relationships with people that are close to you. Then they have a difficult time forgiving you if ever and you start putting them on that path of slow poison and their health is affected. That I can personally testify to. Not only do I hate myself and am drinking a poison of self-destruction, I’m also drinking the poison of unforgiveness and the two are causing a lot of health problems. My body completely aches all over because of the stress of dealing with all the things I deal with. When you drink you can look forward to possible addiction, alcohol poisoning, broken relationships, and liver failure. Two of those are fatal and a broken relationship brings its own problems to the table. If I haven’t posted a message called “Trouble In The Bones” yet, I will later and it talks scriptural basis as to what a broken relationship can do to the body.

Before I get into food, I want to also mention the self-mutilators. They cut or pierce themselves, which is damaging the body. The main thing is the cutting and running the risk of cutting too deeply. If you cut too deeply then your path to suicide is a lot faster than someone who eats unhealthy food a lot. Speaking about food, I’m starting to get hungry….

Moving on. Food clots arteries; it causes heart disease and can tax the liver as well as the kidneys. Too much sugar in the blood stream works on the kidneys and the other toxins in food go to the liver. Your body is not made for processed food and the chemical make up of processed food is why people gain so much weight. Those chemicals get stored as fat cells and that’s your body’s way of protecting itself against what your doing to it. If you want to know how hard your body has to work to keep from dying because of toxic overload, just look at how heavy a person is. A heavy body that eats too much stuff that lowers your ph balance also suffers from pain in the joints. The weight is hard on hips, knees and feet and the ph balance invites disease. Your toxic body is a breeding ground for infections and viruses. So instead of taking those antibiotics that cause liver failure and kidney failure and heart disease or cancer, just raise your ph level. Alkaline bodies are healthy bodies. That’s why children heal from scrapes and bruises extremely fast where as a person who falls and cuts themselves who is 70, takes a long time to heal. A 5 year old can heal from a broken arm with ease, a 65 year old cannot. I don’t even know if a 65 year old can heal from a broken bone, I think they have to get metal put into their bodies. My grandmother fell within the past 5 years and she is 65 now. She fractured her arm and now she has a metal plate attached to her bone because it couldn’t heal on its own. She drinks soda on a daily basis and soda is basically the most toxic thing you can put in your body. It can possibly take your ph level from a 9 down to a 4 in just one or two cans.

From my own personal self, I know about ph balances. While specifically wanting to destroy this body, I drank a lot of sugar-based drinks like McDonalds sweet tea, Coca Cola, Jones Soda, McDonalds Coke, and Monster energy drinks. I do still drink Monsters on occasion but I’m not drinking on the sugar ones like I used to. It’s rare that I drink a sugar one now. I also ate a lot of toxic foods and my favorite was potato chips. My skin was oily, extremely oily and I had a really bad case of acne. After finding this specific water filter that turns tap water into really high ph water, my skin started to clear up. I stopped eating on the potato chips because there was no desire to and the sugar drinks were being dropped. I got a taste of what it felt like to be at least at a ph balance of 8. Now I drink a lot of water because I like how it raises the ph and it help keeps my skin from being oily. That keeps the acne away even though I have scars from when I did have it. Since I started drinking more water and less toxic things, I have gotten sick less and less. Right now I’m sick because I bounced back into more toxic foods with eating out a lot. I’m eating a lot of Chinese and Japanese food and Japanese American restaurants like to use a ton of butter to cook the food with. That has raised my cholesterol significantly as well. Then there is the fact that butter is just not healthy for you at all.

If people, including self, would stop eating a lot of junk food and fast food and started eating the healthy food we don’t like then a lot of food related illnesses would not be a problem. I’m talking about fish and vegetables and fruits more than anything else. Rice is high in carbohydrates, which gets turned into sugar. Bread includes wheat and yeast in it, which for women can cause yeast infections. Potatoes are also starch and I don’t know of any benefits to it. It’s the green vegetables that people don’t care for. Also, get a juicer and start juicing your own drinks instead of buying processed juices like V8. As healthy as it claims to be, it still has stuff in it that’s harmful.

Overall, this post is about things people do that are harmful to the body. If it’s harmful and can lead to death over any period of time, it counts as self-destruction. You can do it purposely or ignorantly but the result is death. Just like sin when it is finished brings forth death. I was told one time about God’s dietary laws. Either I don’t know what they are or I have forgotten them but as the person told me, people who don’t follow them have health problems because of over eating this bad thing and that bad thing that is outside of those guidelines. Yea, eating McDonalds every day for a month is outside of those laws and there was a television documentary about what happens to you when you eat that much McDonalds food.

If I’ve convinced you that your diet is a form of self destruction and you want to change it, great. Most likely you may be addicted to the sugar and junk food like a lot of Americans are (if you’re from America). I know I am and I will declare it again, by the grace and mercy of God my life will be spared from this path I am on.


~ by davisddesigns on March 5, 2013.

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