A Single Threefold Chord Of Self Mutilation

People know what self-mutilation is when it’s working on its own. You see it working when you see people who are covered in body piercings and tattoos. Then there are the people who cut themselves because they claim it brings relief. There are those who are forced into self-mutilation through medical means. One of which is diabetes. Any act of piercing your skin in any way is an act of self-mutilation. For medical purposes or not, it still counts as mutilating your body.

I titled this post “A Single Threefold Chord Of Self Mutilation” because I want to talk about one in particular even though I personally know of two. The one I want to talk about is made of self-mutilation, over compulsiveness, and perfectionism. When I talked about people who cut, the chord of self-mutilation, sadism, and masochism was brought to my mind. Both S & M work together with self-mutilation because the sadism agrees with the mutilation and takes pleasure in doing it. The masochism takes pleasure in receiving it. I’m not going to go into full descriptions over each especially when this is just from my own personal experiences. These demonic mental disorders are not mentioned in the bible, of which is another reason I’m not going to explain them in detail.

Self-Mutilation can work on its own power and it can come together with compulsiveness. I believe it wears a mask of “compulsive picker” just like arrested development changed its name (put on a mask) to attention deficit disorder. When dealing with a person who describes himself or herself as a compulsive picker, you’re dealing with a person who suffers from a sly creature of self-mutilation. It’s sly because it doesn’t do the obvious mutilating things. Then again, people who pierce their skin with rings, studs, gauges, and needles of ink don’t recognize it as mutilation either.

When you think of self-mutilation / self harm, you think of cutting yourself to relieve emotional pain. I’m sorry, been there and done that out of curiosity just to confirm that all it does is add pain upon pain. It doesn’t relieve emotional pain; it just adds physical pain on top of it. That’s why cutters don’t do it just once, they continually do it and it ends up turning into an addiction.

Some not so obvious ways to mutilate your body is when skin problems are a plague. That’s when you see spots, cysts, blood blisters, protruding moles, acne, scabs and warts. When you feel loose / dead skin and/or dandruff. Then there’s when you have “the itch”.

Those alone are not the case of mutilation; it’s when it works with compulsiveness and perfectionism. Perfectionism is the leader to this chord. It looks at those problems as skin defects and it tells you to pick or scratch at them and they will go away. If you do it, you’re in agreement with it. Once it gets you to agree, compulsiveness is invited into the fold and every time a new spot appears, you can’t help but pick at it. Now lets look at the results of each problem area.

  • A spot – When you pick at it or poke at it, either blood or infection can come out of it. Ones filled with blood tend to be red all over while the ones full of infection tend to have a white color to them. It’s more like a white spot with a red circle around it. I don’t remember if poking at acne automatically drains blood or if it drains a clear liquid first before the blood.
  • Cysts – Cysts are not that easy to poke at. They are extremely sore to the touch. Poking a hole in it hurts, adding pressure to it to drain it hurts and when you do drain it, it drains some weird substance. It’s like a mixture of infection and blood; its more liquid than it is solid puss and it stinks really badly. I believe the common way of getting one of those is through an ingrown hair and the common man’s way of getting rid of that is through surgery.
  • Blood blisters – They swell up. Blood blisters start off really small and then in the period of a day to three days it’s a big swollen blister. When I got them I did not like it solely because one day I didn’t feel anything and the next I was in pain and I could swear it came out of the middle of no where. A very gentle scratch on the blistered skin will penetrate it and it starts bleeding. It bleeds enough to the point where you can go have labs done and let them poke a needle in it and they’ll get all the blood they need and then some. It’ll take days of bandaging before it’ll drain and clot up. Most of that time is due to it soaking the previous bandages and you having to pull it off which reopens the wound.
  • Moles – You see the people who have moles sticking off their skin and you just want to take something like nail clippers and just clip it off. That’s what I’m talking about when I say protruding moles. I had a teacher who had this massive one on the side of her neck and every day in class all I could think about was cutting it off. That was when I was in the 8th grade. As for me, I have brown freckle looking spots all across my skin except for one. All of them are flat except that one. I have scratched at it, pulled on it, taken tweezers to it and nothing. Eventually I decided to just leave it alone, its not going anywhere unless I do try and cut it with nail clippers and I’m too scared to do that one. I’m too scared to poke at a blood spot on my neck or my tongue for the fear of doing something wrong and bleeding to death.
  • Scabs – Accidentally burning, cutting yourself or falling does not count as mutilation. What comes from those accidents are scabs or blisters and getting them aren’t serious or anything. It’s when you pick at the scab that causes problems. Notice, I said scab and not blister. You can pick at a burn blister and it’s said to help start healing it faster. Pop or don’t pop is up to you, I’m focusing on a scabbed wound. The body scabs over to cover the wound from infection and it’s a means of healing. So when you pick at it, you’re messing up the natural flow of how the body heals. The more you pick at it, the longer it takes to heal and you can even cause the scab to harden to the point of leaving a crater/ hole in your skin as well as a scar.
  • Warts – Warts are difficult defects as well. They have this freeze away stuff that you can use and I’ve used it. It’s freezing cold and it did not help get rid of any warts. I scratched at the two I’ve had in my life and I made them bleed. One came from my cat piercing my skin with his claw and I don’t know how the other one came about. The one on my finger I took nail clippers to, froze with the medication, scratched at, bit at and nothing could make it go away. What did make it go away was the clay in my art class. During high school I had a sculpting class and we worked with red clay. The minerals in that clay ended up healing the wart, which was a relief because by that time I’ve had it for two or three years. Then my brother gets a wart, chops it off with something, I believe a knife, and then uses the freezing medication and it went away. He got to the root of the wart, exposed it, froze it and killed it that way.
  • Loose, Flaky, Dead Skin – I know there are skin diseases like psoriasis where you have flaky skin. I can’t account for that because I don’t suffer from it. What I suffer from is either loose or dead skin around my ears. Being of the perfectionist side, I clean my ears more than I should. So my hands are around my ears a lot, I believe every day. I’ll feel skin and I start scratching it off and I’ll continue scratching until I feel it’s smooth and by that time, my nails have red colored skin underneath them. If I continued anymore I would bleed. I have a lot of dead skin on the inside of my right ear and the doctor said my skin is raw. If I can feel a flake, there is a layer of skin that can be scratched off before it’s considered raw. Not forgetting the cuticles that are on the outside of your fingers. That’s where your cuticles are dry and cracked and it begins to peel off. Helping it peel can be painful; at least where it stops peeling. It’s like dead skin on your feet. You can peel at the dead skin until you get to the outside area. It’s no longer dead but its connected to the dead skin so you start to peel on that and it begins to hurt. I’m not a nail biter but when I start to get peeling cuticles, after I peel what I can, I start to bite on the rest.
  • Dandruff – As a child and as a teen I suffered from dandruff. I would scratch at it and dig at it until there was red skin under my nails too. It was really bad at the base of my scalp, around where my glasses were. I dug to the point of no more dandruff, just raw skin. After that, it would scab over and dandruff would form over that and I would go back and dig at both the dandruff and the scab. That was an every day thing until I started using medical shampoo that took care of the dandruff. Then I was left with digging at the scabs over the scratches.
  • “The Itch” – Everyone probably knows the itch. It’s the itch you get where you scratch and scratch and scratch and it seems to not go away. It’s the one where you start bleeding and it still seems to not go away. The itch is not a fun thing to have. It may not hurt that much until you start bleeding but its still there and you can’t scratch anymore because it’s too sore too. When that happens you can start rubbing but that’s adding pressure to the sore skin.  After a few of those, you learn to get anti itch cream. If you’re already to the point of raw skin, putting it on will not be a pleasant experience but it will stop you from itching and scratching at it more.

 

Those are just how I’ve dealt with skin problems and the results of them. That’s just me and I’m my own person with my own skin. You may have some of these problems and react to them differently. If you react to them the same way, the outcome may come out differently. Sometimes when I pick at a blood spot one day, two or three show up over night. That may be my body saying, “don’t pick at it” and I don’t listen. I don’t know if its “I don’t” or “I can’t” listen.

Suffering from this particular chord leads to a lot of bloodletting as you can see. The other mutilation chord I know of also leads to a lot of bloodletting, I don’t know which one causes more blood to be spilt. When a red spot pops up, I have a compulsive drive that compels me to pick at it. I used to poke all of them with a needle and I am happy to say I don’t use needles that much. Instead of every day its more like once in a blue moon and that’s when I am tired of it being around and scratching or squeezing it won’t make it go away. Squeezing sores can open them up without the act of poking it or scratching it. If it’s an infection you’re squeezing out that can hurt a lot.

As the perfectionist creature is in me, I cringe at this skin condition. I cringe over not having a clear skin. I cry out and complain when I get more blood-based spots. I literally do cry and say, “Why can’t I have clear skin? That’s all I want is clear skin” Upon that another threefold chord was made. Perfectionism, Self-Rejection, Self Hatred. I start to cry over the condition of the skin (perfectionism) and I start to reject this body for not having clear skin and between the two, I’m being told the skin is diseased and self-hatred starts to set in. It starts telling me that I hate this body because it’s diseased and that’s why I have (or have had) all these skin problems.  So now I’ve mentioned 3 different threefold chords, of all I currently suffer from. All three groups work together in their own selves to keep this cycle of compulsive self-mutilation going which keeps the sin and curse of bloodletting alive. I know I’m not the only one in the world who is under this bondage. I may go into piercing and tattoos with a later post, for now I won’t.

I don’t know why I’m talking about the three fold chords. Maybe its because I was getting scriptures of a king by the name of Leviathan and through the scriptures I read three fold chords and strong holds that he uses to protect himself by. What kingdom the ones I mentioned belong to, I don’t know. And yes Leviathan is a king, he is the king over all the children of pride. The devil and his demons work in a kingdom structure. The strong man is the king over a kingdom and then you get into strongholds and walls that don’t really amount to anything when Jesus gets involved. Jesus is the King of kings and His name is above every name. 

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~ by davisddesigns on February 16, 2013.

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